37. Fear Of Abandonment

He hated being alone and always surrounded himself with friends, even if that meant using emotional manipulations to have them around. But on the odd occasions when they left him out of their plans, he suffered intensely. Pangs of loneliness and abandonment tormented him. He felt as though he had been take for granted by all his friends.

As we investigated the source of this abandonment, we traveled back to an incident that had occurred when he was in class 7. He had failed in most subjects and the fear of what might happen, made him forge his father’s signature on the report card. As was bound to happen, he was caught out and thrown out of his house by his angry father, who slapped him and told him to fend for himself henceforth. The anxiety of not knowing where to go, overwhelmed my client.

But this feeling was not new to him. As we delved deeper, we found another incident at age 4. His dad and mum had just had a fight and the dad had left the house with the little boy in tow. Now interestingly, this memory was bereft of any feeling. And what i forgot to mention, is that at the start of the regression, we had identified 16 spirits that were attached to this man.
When i directed him to explore the cause of his emotional detachment, he saw a grey foam that morphed into human bodies who joined in chorus to say, we will not let him experience this emotion. After much persuasion, the spirits confessed that if they permitted him to feel and heal that experience, he would abandon them (as he would no longer suffer from the same insecurities) and then they would no longer have a comfortable body that they could resonate with and continue to live through.

Now for those of you who are getting spooked out, I’d like to mention that the phenomena of spirit attachment is more common than most of you can even imagine. Well, after intense therapeutic intervention, 14 of the spirits choose to depart by the end of the session. But as my client finally connected with the feelings at age 4, three distinct fears surfaced in his psyche (incidentally, these are universal fears and we are all afflicted to varying degrees). He felt that, if papa takes me away, i will die because no one will be there to look after me when he goes to work. The fear of dying, the fear of being alone and the fear of being abandoned churned in his stomach.

The three fears held him captive. The fear of dying, fear of being alone and fear of abandonment, knotted up his stomach. But the one that he felt most deeply, was the fear of being alone. As we searched for the origin of this fear, my client saw the years 1857 to 1862 written on a screen in his mind. I took him to that time period and he saw himself living in a small town, painting the portrait of a lady.

I provide solutions to everyone, he mumbled. His voice was sombre but confident. I paint images for people and when they see these images, they start getting better. My art heals them. I’m painting a happy image of this lady so that she can get well. She is the mayor’s wife. But sadly, his art couldn’t heal her. She didn’t get any better and the mayor had the art healer kidnapped and put in a dark cell. I’m trapped… I’m dying… i’m all alone here. I miss my family terribly. They must be thinking i abandoned them. Nobody knows what happened to me, he muttered.

But as time went on, his heart started to become bitter. I’m hungry…starving… and dying. Nobody has come looking for me. Nobody has taken the trouble to find me. It seems that they have all taken me for granted. It doesn’t matter to them that i’m no longer there, he lamented. For a long time i helped him work through and dissolve his suffering. Exhausted with the task of using his will and breath to dissolve the hardened negative emotions he asked, why did i choose such uncaring family and friends in that life.

In the stillness of that question, the answer emerged as clearly and effortlessly as a drop of oil on the still surface of water. I was a rude man, he said, also an arrogant one, who was too proud about his healing abilities, but it wasn’t me who was healing others, … everyone hated me, they were happy that i had finally gone away … that is why they never bothered to find me.
As we examined the residual suffering in him, he begged me to stop. I am tired, he insisted. The mayor’s gaze is penetrating my mind, but i am too tired to go on. At first i urged him to continue. We can dissolve your suffering now, I urged, but he was adamant.

Minutes before he emerged from trance he said, i see some alphabets swirling before my eyes and slowly he read them out loud, C…A …R…P…E…D…I…E…M
I see them written on a typewriter under the year 1857.

I quickly googled the word; it was a Latin word that urged one to seize the moment, and not think that things will simply fall into place in the future, you had to prepare and plan for them.
Was the mayor reminding the painter (my client) that his rude arrogance and pride caused his abandonment and would continue to haunt him in future lives until he dealt with it? Or was he urging him, like me, to continue his effort at letting go of the residual emotional baggage (anger, lack of forgiveness, etc) in that moment? I left an anchor in my client’s subconscious mind to take him back into that experience once again in a future session so he could seize the moment then. But one thing was amply clear; that our past lives live on, until we revisit those troubled memories, dissolve the fears and negative emotions trapped therein, learn the unlearnt lessons that humble our pride, and solve the mysteries of our current upsets. Then perhaps, we can begin to purify our soul, and learn to become more at peace with ourselves.