Relationship Addiction

Vishali is battling a divorce on grounds of

emotional and physical abuse by her husband. Trapped in the prison of existential hell she has managed to complete her higher education and is now running a small business that is slowly growing. Unfortunately she is also involved with another young man who is living off her meager finances, deserts her every time she opposes or disagrees with him, vanishes when she is unwell and refuses to get a job and contribute to the finances. Despite several promises to call the relationship off, she finds herself becoming weak in her resolve every time he apologizes and once again she lets him back into her life. This has happened 6 times in the last one year.

Dhiraj met a family friend’s daughter 3 years ago

at a dinner party and was smitten from the moment he set his eyes on her. He has repeatedly tried to connect with her since then and though she keeps making promises of meeting him soon, she hasn’t even returned a single call in the last 2 years. Dhiraj has sunk into deep depression and is displaying manic obsessive behavior marked with wide mood swings. He has started drinking excessively, can’t sleep at night, keeps checking her Face book account to track her activities and is losing interest in his work.

Sweta is an ambitious career woman.

Her brief marriage ended because of the volatile beatings inflicted upon her on every occasion when her elusive husband visited home, completely drunk. She has now been independent for several years. Recently she entered into a business partnership with a man who promised to invest in her business but many months later there’s not a penny on the table though she has to explain her every business move, deal with objections, provide explanations and change her operating style leading to huge emotional stress and project delays. She is unable to expedite either his investment or his exit.

Most people believe that addiction refers only to

substance abuse, but a more deadly form of addiction is the one that hooks your emotions, paralyses the intellect and kills your ability to exist independently. It destroys you painfully, and slowly kills you because you give your power away to the person of your affections and trust who unwittingly takes you for granted once the initial high of curiosity in the relationship dies out. Welcome to relationship addiction.

Interestingly, the more the object of your adulation

ignores you, the more amplified your need becomes for a fix. You want that person at any cost. You begin to de-prioritize your own needs and are willing to short change yourself only to be able to relive those initial feelings of excitement, comfort, admiration and importance that you felt when you first met that person. This however is the biggest illusion, as those moments can never be recaptured, but they definite intensify your yearning. You are willing to auction your happiness, your self- respect, your honor, your equanimity, your self-worth, your close family and friends who caution you, sometimes even your integrity for a few moments of comfort with the person.

Your tolerance for abuse and self neglect rises

in direct proportion to your desperation. You begin to lose perspective not realizing that you have put all your emotional equity in one basket which is slowly hitting bankruptcy. You start abandoning other meaningful relationships while trying to nurture this one, sacrifice your personal interests and your single high point in any day is waiting for your mobile to beep or ring. Usually people who get so deeply caught in the vortex of relationship addictions have a history of childhood neglect and they yearn to be loved, at any cost. They tend to repeat these patterns over and over again in life stumbling from one relationship to another like a rolling stone that gathers no moss.

In order to de-addict themselves

such people must reach out for help so they can overcome this addiction by;

  1. Healing the lack that their inner child is crying out for
  2. Recognize their repetitive patterns of abuse in their relationships
  3. Set up milestones for personal growth that can fortify their sense of worth
  4. Discover their passions, interests and talents
  5. Learn to love themselves by building a relationship with God
  6. Introspect on their life’s higher purpose & meaning
  7. Discover their soul lessons
  8. Find strength in themselves

They have to learn to place their emotional anchor

within themselves and not in other people, who may or may not choose to love, respect and reciprocate their feelings. They have to learn to let go of pain and let God into their lives instead.

Those of you who are presently battling this addiction,

reciting the following prayer several times each day can help you gather inner strength.


Creator of all that is, I pray

Illumine my mind

Let it not stray

Anchor my faith

Solely on you

Hold me close

So I can remain true to you


Keep my gaze

Fixed upon your love

That I may not search


Neither below nor above


Set me free

From the chains

That bind

Of worldly affections

Desires, illusions and lies


Let my spirit soar

From the ashes of the past

So you may heal me

And teach me

About true love

That lasts.



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