29. Blood Stained Dreams

I don’t feel safe in the evenings,

she said, particularly after watching crime news.

On the surface it appeared to be only natural

that she should feel this way, but the fact that it had cropped up suddenly in therapy, signaled that there was more to it than met the eye. What was it about the crime scene that bothered her most, I probed.

Blood, she whispered.

I was aware from her past sessions that she often dreamt about getting hurt in accidents and bleeding to death. Something from her subconscious mind was speaking through these dreams, trying to emerge, but it still hadn’t crept into the light of her conscious mind.

Ok, so tell me what does blood remind you of?

Shooting somebody, she replied.

A kaleidoscope of mangled thoughts and images crowded her mind filling it with army fights and shooting episodes.

So who got shot in the fight, I asked.

Gandhiji…I saw the film..it was bad.

It should not be done, she said firmly.

Yes… and what does that remind you of?

Suspecting that we had probably come to the end of a mental loop I closed the circuit by asking what should not have been done. That was the bait her subconscious was waiting for.

Suddenly she saw herself

at the tender age of four or five, scrambling barefoot down the staircase of their apartment building to the lady who lived on the ground floor. As the lady opened the door to her house the little girl tripped on an object and fell to the ground bleeding badly from her forehead.

Shocked at the sight of blood

the lady started shouting for help. Her mother came running down and she was rushed to the hospital.

So what did you think when you saw the blood? It seemed like a no brainer and I was certain that she would say she was worried that something terrible would happen to her but I was wrong.

Instead she replied coyly…

it was really stupid on my part to have gone down barefoot. It should not be done.

For a moment I was startled at the complexity

of how the mind creates meaning. Blood would, as the logical cognitive mind may point to, trigger survival fear, but in her case it was triggering guilt. No wonder she always dreamt that she was bleeding to death because it was a sort of self imposed punishment. Or perhaps it indicated that she was dying with the guilt. Interestingly these recent dreams coincided with times when she was admonished by her father for being irresponsible.

Through Changework therapy we worked

together helping her see that childhood hurts and bleeds could also mean that children were growing stronger, more courageous and responsible each time they hurt themselves or bled, rather than feeling guilty for having made the mistake.

This was followed by reprogramming

her beliefs using PSYCH-K so that she could chose to let go of unnecessary fears and practice courage in all situations knowing that she was growing stronger and more responsible through these experiences.

I am at peace now;

she smiled at me as we completed the session. I no longer feel scared or worried.

When I meet her a month from now we will know whether she is completely free from this childhood guilt. If she stops dreaming about accidents, blood and death, it will be a fair confirmation that her subconscious mind has fully integrated this reframing and healing.