31. Love hurts

A young collegiate boy entangled in

a hopeless love affair with his manipulative girlfriend finds himself trapped in a cycle of pleasing her and proving he is worthy of her. He paints hearts in his blood, stands in the December cold for 7 straight nights outside her house, drops out of college to spend time with her, even walks 5 km in the middle of the night to deliver ice cream and she still demands proof of his affection for her. When he fails to do better she threatens to leave him for another.

So besotted is he that heartbroken,

he attempts to end his life, not just once but twice over. Sometimes a glimmer flashes through his mind about whether she is using him but he brushes it aside all too quickly. She is his cutie pie and he can never say or think a rude word about her. She has become his addiction. He can’t help but follow her every command. Fulfill her every wish. Live up to her every challenge which always demands proof of his love for her. 

Often our irrationality in relationships

originates from something that happened in our infancy. Prior to commencing therapy, this young madly- in- love lad could not even bear to hear a suggestion about turning away from his girlfriend. This was the reason he kept postponing the decision to come & meet me, until finally under parental pressure he consented. Interestingly what emerged was a curious incident in the first year of his life when as an infant he witnessed his uncle talking rudely to his mother. So great was the sense of disgust he felt on that occasion that he decided he would never forgive his uncle for such an act of rudeness.

The spin effect of this incident was

that subconsciously he chose never be rude to any girl regardless of what happened. The trapped emotion of disgust in his cellular memory and the deep unforgiveness towards his uncle kept him trapped in an unkind relationship with his girlfriend. No matter what she said or did to him, he could never be rude to her & so he fulfilled her every cruel & uncaring request. After releasing the disgust from him and completing the forgiveness towards his uncle his vision began to clear. He started to understand how she had been using him to feed her self importance & satisfy her sense of neediness.

Another entangled energy field that

was keeping him stuck in the relationship was the feeling of being lost where he didn’t know what to do or how to handle the situation he was in. This was made further complex by a strong limiting mental belief, transferred unknowingly by the father, who repeatedly told him that he would always remain subjugated in his relationships. When we repeatedly tick off our children labeling them or criticizing them, it becomes their belief which in turn programs their behavior.

This boy was programmed to remain

under the control of his partner. No wonder he fulfilled all her crazy requests including standing outside her house, night after night, just to prove he loved her. When these entrapments were released the boy was able to let go of his victim status. He began to see that he had lost his identity in the relationship & was willing to rescue himself. He agreed to break up with his girlfriend and focus on rebuilding his personality and career. He realized that he had gained nothing from being in that relationship.

The journey to finding himself

has just begun and there is still a long way to go but at least the realization about the futility of that relationship has dawned on him. He has overcome his suicidal motivations and with further support he will discover a whole new life and even pursue a meaningful purpose. I pray that he and others like him in similar situations may find the strength to conquer their infirmities and make a fresh start filled with hope and new possibilities.


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