Should I prioritize Old Parents Or My Life?

Hi,

I decided to join my family business in small town of Jharkhand after my graduation from Delhi. Right from the first day I hated this place. After marriage in august 2008 situation got even worse.

My parents are old so I worry that they won’t be able to survive alone if I left. And my parents business will have a very abrupt ending and I wonder what will happen if my parents don’t agree to leave.

On one end there are old parents and business and on other end there is our life. What should I do?

Please help me.

Thanks

Dear H

Yours is not an easy situation but know that the universe never gives you a challenge without empowering you with the strength to find the solution too.

The first most important thing

about such complex situations is to be completely flexible and open minded so that you can explore the range of possibilities that may present themselves as solutions. Do not have any fixed notions about how your parents might respond or what you have to or must do. Remember the first step is only exploratory.

Secondly, keep in mind that an aware person evaluates the call of dharma

and the consequences of karma before he acts. Your parents are old and so, unless there are other siblings who can volunteer to partake of the responsibility of looking after them, it becomes your responsibility to be their support.

That having been said if you are unhappy

with the environment on a daily basis, you will bring these lower energy frequencies into play in all of your relationships, being easily irritated and upset and maybe deep down even becoming resentful towards your parents for not being allowed to follow your heart and live where you want to. So the best way is to open the channels of communication with your parents lovingly and explore all possibilities.

Identify ways in which you can extend, restart, scale up

or reinvent your family business in a new city of your choice. Set a deadline and explore these possibilities. You might like to choose a location where your parents have old friends, relatives or known old contacts so they don’t feel lonely and out of place in the new location.You may well be surprised by their response if you share your deeper feelings with them, once you have done some preparatory spadework keeping both their and your interests in mind.

 Know that when there is no dialogue and feelings are

suppressed it gives rise to anger and resentment but coming together and jointly looking for solutions putting their wisdom and your aspirations together into a pot can help you cook up a nice satisfying warm meal.

Talk to them about your dreams and limitations.

Tell them you wish to live with them but would like to be in a city more conducive to your growth and life experiences. Never blame them even obliquely nor expect them to toe the line and agree with whatever you say. Keep an open mind.

Give them time to warm up to the idea.

No one responds positively when something so unexpected is sprung upon them. Let this idea cook slowly and look for ways to make this a win win situation for both yourselves and your parents to look forward to.

Remember that change can be very daunting

especially for the elderly and you might have to go out of your way to assure them that you will help them find their feet in the new location.

 

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4 Comments

  1. harvind1 says:

    Thank you Mam for your advice. Till date I am still unable to find a good solution to this situation. I hope that time itself will show me a good answer to all my question till then I have to wait…

    Your words will always help me to find right way….

    • suzysingh says:

      Dear H,
      Perhaps you need to examine how you define ‘a good solution’. Remember in life you have to give some to get some. Its very rare to have everything you desire. There are no perfect solutions only workable ones. So be more flexible. Examine what is most important and must remain regardless of anything and what is less important and you may be willing to do away with. Unless you evaluate your solutions in this light you may find yourself stuck in your problem forever with ever mounting resentments. Take action, seek guidance from the lord, believe the answers are available, don’t be pessimistic and then let go and let God direct your life. I pray you may awaken to an ideal solution soon. God bless you and your lovely family.

  2. harvind1 says:

    Ma’am,
    You are right. I have to take some action and let God direct my or life else I will be stuck in this problem forever.

    The first action that I have decided to take is to leave this place for about 15-20 days. I will try to see if what is in my mind is really viable in new city or not. I am not worried about business here because i have to close this in the near future. But I am worried about my parents health and for that, my wife will be with my parents when i am not here.I hope that she will be able to take good care of them.

    I will always be very thankful to you for helping me through this tough time in my life.

    Thanks

    • suzysingh says:

      I am glad that you have chosen to take action with the faith that the Lord shall guide you. May you be blessed and may new opportunities open up for you.

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