10 Great Insights to Overcome Relationship Woes With Your Girlfriend

From the diary of a young man, a client shares his insights after digesting the information gleaned at a therapy session on healing his insecurities.

1. Discover your control dramas & give them up.

I had always looked at anger as a necessary coping mechanism to be heard in my relationships. But I learnt from this session, that anger was just my way of reacting when I felt threatened. I can be happier if I remain calm. Regardless of how angry or intimidating my girlfriend may sound, I can choose to be calm and still be firm & assert myself. If i keep my center anchored and balanced, I can enjoy the relationship even more. I feel more confident that I won’t be taken for granted just because I appear calm.

2. Respect each other’s personal space

I finally got it that I must stop seeking importance in my relationship all the time. Nor must I come through as being perpetually needy. All I have to do is detach myself and focus on doing what’s best for her and give her the freedom she needs to breathe in the relationship. I must not stifle her with my obsessive neediness. I now believe in detachment with love, that you have your own life and space, and so can the other person, and both of you can enjoy the intersection of time that you spend together.

3. Choose the right time to resolve conflicts

I learnt how important it is to let go of the constant fighting and bickering over minor issues in the relationship. It also became clear why one must give feedback and seek resolution to complex issues only at a more opportune time when the girlfriend is in a better, more receptive mood.

4. Become aware of deep seated abandonment fears and heal them.

I realised post the session that one of my big triggers in relationships is the fear of losing people who are close to me. I worry about how I will manage without them or whether I will find someone who is as good as they are for me. I then followed the principles of the CYLM program that you taught me and came to the conclusion that I am willing to let go of people from my life whose purpose has been served. I don’t believe in holding onto people, so I will choose to let them go and allow the universe to send me people who i need, so that they can teach me whatever else I need to learn.

5. Express yourself fully, but in loving and gentle ways. Be yourself.

I learnt that in my relationship with my girlfriend, I must value myself enough to express my need for personal space, my values and my highest self without the fear of what she might say or do. I have learnt not to let anyone else’s actions define my self- worth because my self- worth doesn’t depend upon what others do to me, It depends on how I respond to situations. 

6. To love is to respect my girlfriend not to possess her.

I have learnt that it is stupid to be possessive and jealous in my relationship with her. Possessiveness stems from a fear of loss, that someone will take away what I have. But, someone can’t take away what I have because the person has freewill. So if they want to go, they will go because it’s their choice, and if they stay they will stay for precisely that reason. So why feel jealous or possessive? 😛

7. Physical attraction isn’t the most important thing in a relationship.

I feel my sexual energy has become much more balanced after a long time. I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to indulge in such activities. I feel somewhere my sexual energy in relationships will permanently be more balanced from now onwards and I am very happy about that.

8. Don’t let social pressure & badge value be the reason for being in a relationship.

I used to think it’s a very big deal to be in a relationship. I don’t now. I feel there is no difference between being single and being in a relationship, except you give a little more time and attention to another person that you normally wouldn’t when you are single. Everything else is the same in both cases. So whether I am single or I am dating, barring my relationship status, nothing else really changes. Which is why I can now remain happy, regardless of whether I am dating or single. I don’t see my life ending or that I will lose out on anything if I am single which was a really big deal for me earlier.

9. Resist comparisons with your girlfriends ex.

I believe I am equal to any other, averagely good guy, in the world. Therefore, I feel zero need to compare myself to anyone. I feel we are all different people with our distinctive uniqueness and therefore, comparing each other is just so completely futile. Thus I now believe in not comparing at all, but respecting the differences we share with other people, partners, ex partners or anyone else.

10. Overcome gender based dogma’s.

Lastly, I have learnt to respect women and trust the feminine energy. I trust and respect my mentor. I trust and respect my mother. I trust and respect my to be spouse. For the longest time I believed that I had to dominate my wife, when I got married, else she would not respect me. I believed that I had to be better than her for her to respect me. I don’t believe that now. I believe that I need to be there for and to make her feel safe, but at the same time, I can be a centered, calm, assertive and loving man, someone who is both responsible and fun. Someone who can take charge and handle situations and yet also be feminine in the sense that he can care for his mate and nurture her.

I want my partner and me to grow together, till we are together. I want us to add value to each other and do what’s best for our combined highest good; and if we need to part ways, that’s okay too, because till the time we were together – we laughed, we loved, we learnt. And that’s what matters in a relationship. That’s why I invest in it… for the learning, the loving, the happy memories and the growth, so I can evolve from this relationship. It doesn’t matter if it works out or not. That’s destiny. What matters is that we have enjoyed the time that we were together and we, or at least I have learnt. Understanding all this, I now feel zero regrets for my previous relationships ending because through that cycle of love and pain, I learnt so much about life and I feel wiser, happier and calmer now.


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