18. Suicidal Tendencies

Kavita wanted to understand why her life

had been so turbulent and why she didn’t have a normal peaceful life like everyone else. She was married with no kids and had tried to commit suicide on several occasions. She constantly felt like running away and her marriage was a mess.

She was born to working parents on

an overseas posting. Both she and her sister were frequently beaten up physically by the parents during their growing years. Despite this, she often felt that she alone was the odd one out. At 22 she ran away from home to get married, only so she could escape living with her parents, whom she hated as they never loved or understood her.

She saw herself on an island in the Americas

in the year 1705 as a 5 year old, only child of a well to do American couple who were murdered while they slept at night. She survived the double murders and ran into the forest, to hide in a small boat at the edge of the forest, in which she fell asleep.

She woke up to find herself on another forest island,      

inhabited by dark skinned afro-american tribals. As word got around that her parents had been murdered, the tribal’s condemned her as a bad omen who was not to be seen, as she would bring the same pathetic fate upon them. Because of this she was relegated to a broken wooden hut in the forest and sharply instructed never to be seen around them. The little girl continued to live a desolate and lonely existence in the dark hut and frequently dreamt about running away from that island.

One evening when the tribal’s were dancing

around the fire during a ritual, she came out of her hut to watch the ceremony incurring the wrath of the chief’s family. She recognized the chief to be her father in her present life, his wife to be her mother and their child to be her sister.

They were furious with her for looking at them

from the forest, as she was the symbol of bad luck and her appearance at the ritual was terribly inauspicious. The chief wanted to get rid of her and his wife too didn’t want her on that island. Their child looked at her with gentler eyes but she could do nothing. She was severely admonished and threatened by the angry chief, and sent back into the forest.

Not able to deal with the terrible pain

of isolation and rejection, a few years later the young girl just walked into the sea and drowned in it ending her painful existence. As her soul drifted up into the higher planes of existence she came face to face with a guide. She heard him telling her firmly, this time you have to live.

As she integrated the experience of that life,

she realized that by ending her life inappropriately in that lifetime, she could not really escape the unhappiness, for it had come back to her in this lifetime as a lesson she still had to complete. She had incarnated with the same soul group so she could learn and complete what she hadn’t in that lifetime.

Kavita realized that one can never run away

from their soul lessons because even if you try to, like she did by committing suicide, you will come back again at another time in exactly the same circumstances, to learn what you hadn’t before. In her present life too she had attempted suicide several times and felt like running away, as she had so often felt on that isolated forest island.

She decided that she would try

and face her life’s challenges with greater courage from then on and not give in to her suicidal tendencies.