Dysfunctions of the Complaining Parent 8

Homes that are infested with family politics,

controversies and crossfire of opinions and judgments, may compel the child to grow up too fast. Here the primary caretaker may feel inadequately equipped to deal with her own life and may frequently talk about these issues openly with her yet too little child because she has no one else to share her pain with.

Without realizing it, such people let

their troubles become the sole bonding factor between the child and themselves. Majority of the time is spent voicing the caretaker’s pain and talking about how life is plagued with so many problems. These incessant complaints inadvertently rob the child of the innocence and playfulness of childhood, forcing him/ her to become an adult too soon.

The child begins to feel both helpless

and guilty and strives to assume adult responsibility so it can rescue the caretaker from the misery of the situation. This interrupts the child’s ability to grow up in a natural, happy and carefree way.

These kids develop a strong urge

to constantly rescue people and save desperate situations. They grow up believing that the burden of the entire world is on their shoulders. Control becomes central to their lives and they are unable to let go of it fearing that if they do so, their world will fall apart.

They find it hard to say no or push back

unreasonable demands from others and burn themselves out trying to save the world. They can’t ever seem to take a real break or enjoy life, feel guilty taking time off and need to constantly prove themselves.

Unfortunately, while these children may become

materially successful, their inner child is filled with anger and resentment because they were never allowed to be childlike, carefree or unburdened. They constantly struggle to find pleasure and balance in life.

It is important for us as parents to become

mindful of our lapses and remedy them at the earliest. Children deserve warm, accepting and nurturing environments not just for their bodies to grow in but also their spirits to flourish in and evolve. Let us commit ourselves to stop this unknowing violence that is inflicted on their tender souls when we live without awareness.

Let us commit and choose to water their potential

and not their pain, support them and not judge or criticize them, and lovingly pardon their mistakes and failures pointing instead to the lessons that are embedded in each lapse. Let us make our homes a safe place for our children to blossom and shine in so that the new world may know peace instead of seething rage and acceptance in place of antagonism.

This is the last in the series on Parenting Dysfunctions


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