Dysfunctions of the Phantom Parent 4

In this case the primary caretaker or mother

is so busy and self absorbed with either household chores or social engagements that she is only physically present at home but emotionally unavailable to the child. Such home environments may be characterized by closed doors and wide emotional distances between the caretaker and the child.

The mother may be busy with

coffee meets, kitty parties or shopping sprees and engrossed on the mobile or I pad when at home. If she is not the socially engaged or networked type, her obsession with cooking, cleaning and attending to the household chores may leave her too tired to have any energy left to meaningfully connect with the child. In essence there is no real bonding or engagement with the child other than an occasional hug or an instruction to study.

The child ends up feeling lonely, neglected, rejected

and unworthy of receiving love and attention. Such children tend to become either overly self reliant believing that if they try hard enough they might just be loved, or they try to fill the emptiness in their lives with material things, hungering after the latest gadgets or brands.

They go into an overdrive mode not knowing

when to stop or how much is too much. They may become brash, neglect their health in the desire to have more or to prove themselves, become overly ambitious, and seek unhealthy ways of acquiring power so that they can control people and circumstances.

As they grow up they can become overbearing and rigid,

always wanting to have all things done their way. Later in life they find it impossible to slow down or balance work and play. They struggle with relationships becoming self absorbed and obsessed with the desire for money, power and fame. Nothing seems to bring them joy and life remains empty even though they may have all that money can buy.


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