Why God Won’t Give Till We Ask

Two days ago, on a Facebook chat, my soul brother pointed out to me that overcoming all our fears didn’t automatically make us more loving. Love he emphasized, needed to be cultivated, and it was our progression in love that determined our state of oneness with God. I argued that love was a spontaneous, evolutionary urge that sprang from our hearts when the damage in our soul was healed. He agreed to disagree and advised me to explore God’s truth on this matter, which I willingly took up (I am always excited about exploring the unknown).

That night I prayed for the truth to be revealed to me and dreamt I was at a reunion of sorts, busy hugging, meeting and recognising people that I have known in the past (was this symbolic of reincarnating and coming back again into our chosen circles of karmic influences, people who will teach us lessons we need to learn?) There was someone important that I wanted to have a photo taken with (did this reflect my need for self importance or my arrogance?), and I asked a friend to click our photo on my phone camera; but before that could happen, I was pulled away by another friend.


Later, I find my phone lying on a table, half broken. Apparently my friend had not taken good care of it (was this pointing to a lack of personal responsibility on my part?) At once I panic, how careless i had been, why hadn’t I focused on taking the photo, infact why had i wanted to be photographed alongside that accomplished friend at all, why did I succumb to such arrogance, how would I manage without my phone now? (was the phone a symbol of my ability to have a meaningful connection with God, and therefore, was i being told that my communication channels with truth or God were broken?)

Simultaneously in the dream, I had a deeper feeling that rose from somewhere in my knowing, like an intuitive sense. It said, “you are dreaming right now, this is not the truth, your phone is safe and in perfect order, it is not broken, all your data and records are available to you, they are not lost, you can access them whenever you want.” In that instance I felt a deep peace.

The next morning I prayed for the truth again, but I couldn’t see anything. I felt restless all day, as though not sure what i should do with myself. I busied myself (distracting myself from my discomfort again and denying my damage) with endless chores at home, but at night, when I sat to pray, something in me asked me to scan my energy body. I found four spirits affecting me, all at the level of fear (i felt it was about scarcity, perhaps of not having or not knowing enough). Then suddenly I had an idea (was it God guiding me?). I was directed to ask God to pour his love into my heart and i opened myself completely to receive it. At the end of that experiment, three of the four spirits were gone. I prayed again until I was really sleepy. (I learned from that experiment that by sincerely asking God to pour his love into me i could purify my consciousness and disentangle spirit influence.)


Next morning I shared a blog post on a seeker’s group which elicited a very arrogant response from one of the member’s whom I didn’t even know. He implied that I was not evolved enough to search for the truth. Now, i have never met this man, nor ever interacted with him. So after humbly defending my point of view on the group, I just gave up. But i felt uncomfortable about the experience and wondered if the law of attraction was telling me something. Was the arrogance of knowing, my own projection, was it the damage in my soul?

As the day unfolded, i became aware of many subtle projections and lessons in the arrogance of knowing, of having, of being right, of being closed to other’s point of view, of entitlement, and of judgements.They were all uncomfortable but in choosing to feel the discomfort, they were instructing me and helping me to know more.(I realised that the fear of not knowing was masked by my arrogance, the thought i must know, came from the fear of being punished for not knowing. This perhaps also pointed to my fear of God being a punishing God. I learnt that to know God, i needed to be vulnerable, i had to let go of the need to have all the answers, i had to release my need to be self reliant, i could learn to simply ask. Interestingly, i have been working on learning to ask in the last few weeks.)

I sat in meditation again and prayed to be shown where the arrogance in me stemmed from. At first there was nothing (my hotline to God was blocked). Then I received a phone message from the same person from whom I had attracted the spirit influence (i was too empathic towards her at a meeting two days ago just prior to my discussuon with my soul brother and a resonance had allowed the spirits access into my energy feild. Were the spirits misguiding me about not needing to grow in love?)

Her message said that since the last two days my face had been appearing in her prayers and it was bringing her great peace. Fortunately, God was helping dissolve my arrogance and so, instead of just basking in feeling good, I tested my energy body again. One spirit was still there at the consciousness level of fear, but I felt it wasn’t my fear. I heard a whisper in my heart telling me to disconnect the energy entanglement with the person who had sent me the message. Immediately the spirit left and I was clean. (There seemed to a partial cloaking of my energy by both by that person and the spirits attached to her.)

I prayed again and this time I saw flashes of being interrogated by an aunt about something that i didn’t know the answer to (since the spirit influence was removed, i could access the organic damage in my soul). I was really young when that happened and I felt scared about what she might do to me. Then i saw another flash, my father was asking me math tables and I got stuck, I didn’t know the answers and he was very angry. I realised that ‘not knowing’ was a very dangerous place for me to be in (no wonder i love exploring the unknown). I saw images of myself striving very hard through my growing years to always know enough…until perhaps, knowing itself became the trap of arrogance. I pleaded for God to dissolve this arrogance and then slept peacefully.

The next mornings prayer’s made me realise how much God loved me. I had asked for help and he had worked day and night (through the experiences and dreams) to show me the answers I sought. He whispered his guidance into my heart as ideas and inspirations. My eyes swelled with love for God and I prayed that His love may forever fill my heart.

But my (arrogant or inquisitive, I’m not sure which) mind asked, why do we have to ask God to reveal the truth?
And i heard my heart say, so that you can dissolve the arrogance that keeps you apart from God.

Hmmm, i pondered and then asked, so why does God, in his infinite love not just tell me all i need to know?

Because, the whisper continued, God is not arrogant to impose what he thinks you ought to know, upon you.

In that instant, I felt my heart melt and my tears flowed in deep gratitude and love.

Denny, my soul brother, you were right, love is not an evolutionary urge as I thought it was, it needs to be cultivated. The journey from fearlessness to love must first travel through and conquer the beasts of arrogance, before God’s love can successfully enter our heart.

Dennys response to my sharing is quoted below:

“Building a passionate desire for the Truth is the key for liberating the soul. God does not force us to become more aware. God does not force us to become more loving with each other. God does not force us to have a relationship with God. We could grow and learn for close to an eternity without having a relationship to God. We are never required to seek the truth or experience wisdom. But when we continually build a passionate desire to know and experience the truth from God’s perspective, the unlimited wonders begin to open. God does not decide what I learn or when I learn it. God does not even decide when I die. The choices I make determine everything that happens to me.”


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